on goodbyes

Today I said goodbye to a woman that I have been meeting with weekly ever since I was twelve years old. Strangely, I didn't cry, and for the past several hours I have been wondering about what stopped the tears. The woman I speak of is my therapist and I have cried in front of her countless amounts of times, so I know that the tears were not held back out of embarrassment. Friends of mine know that I am one of the more sensitive folk (a loved one today told me that (jokingly) I could cry anywhere from two to fourteen times a week.)  Overall, I am not a sad person. We each deal with stress in various ways: some of us sleep, some eat, some shop, I cry(fiiiiine, I do all of those things.) For me, releasing tears bears more relief than it does sadness. Anyways, I had (and have) to make some of the hardest goodbyes today: one to my boyfriend, one later to my best friend, and one of course, to my therapist. I cried saying goodbye to him, I undoubtedly will cry saying goodbye to her (bff), yet I didn't cry saying goodbye to my therapist, someone whom I hold of equal importance. I suppose that all goodbyes are different and have different connotations. Perhaps for me, goodbyes are harder to say to those whom I am uncertain of what our future holds together. On the contrary, I am a firm believer that those you love will stay in your life regardless of distance and time. I think college and all other major life changes for that matter is an excuse to rid yourself of the "useless" folk that just loll around you and don't really produce any sort of positive impact to your life. However, those people that truly matter from your pre-collegiate years will continue to do so as life goes on. In fact, I think that those relationships are something quite special and they will grow in a remarkable and beautiful way. I am certain of that.

I guess I didn't cry saying goodbye to her because I have no doubts about the future of our relationship. Our future together is quite predictable. I see weekly phone calls and emails, and the occasional session when I am home for breaks. I don't count on any surprises. This is not to say that I doubt the other important relationships in my life; in fact, I have more faith in those now than I ever have had before. With the right communication, these relationships will continue to blossom and become stronger. I know that this can be true for all you readers out there, as well. Hold on tight to those you love. Here's to a year of strength.

xx
A

Sasha Pivovarova Vogue Japan
fashiongonerogue.com

i don't even know what to say. the bows. the bows kill me. this is too perfect.

Phil Oh for Vogue

heey

sort of nautical. just missing some stripes and a splash of red. 

lolz.

le look: mom's bday dinner at Legals

the only picture i could manage to take of momma and steve was this one. i'm sure she'd be pleased to know this was posted on the internet for everyone to see (not)

my first lobster. yes, i'm 18.

 getting pissed at Jack, per usual.

and.....he punches me. so glad Bella caught this on camera.

top Zara pants U0 wedges Gap jacket Gap

the power of moxie

Happy Easter to all those who celebrate! This morning, I'm feeling especially thankful for family, the warm weather, and my blog. To elaborate on the last, I've been thinking a lot recently about the moxie I have that enables me to be confident in this blog. I recognize that there's something that seems to be incredibly egotistical about taking photos of myself in pretty clothes and putting them online for the world to see, probably because we all know that if I didn't feel confident about and proud of the way I looked in these photos I wouldn't post them. It's simple: we all know I like the way I look. While some may argue that this blogging endeavor of mine, if you will, is an unhealthy way to feed my ego, I argue that in many ways it has saved it. While I have always been someone who has been told that they were beautiful, I am not someone who has always felt it. Oftentimes, I felt that those who commented on my looks were mocking me, or were not being truthful. The best way I can think to explain it is like this: you know when you get an 88 on a test, and you're really disappointed because to you an 88 is just not good enough, and someone says to you, "hey, an 88 is still really good, congratulations," and you want to make them stop because you feel embarrassed because you just don't see what they're saying? Thats how I would feel, but about my looks. It's a strange concept, especially now after I've worked on appreciating my beauty and allowing myself to soak in other people's kind words while learning to truly believe them. I have come so far from my days of sulking in low self-esteem, and I owe a huge thanks to this blog for that. It has never failed to make me feel beautiful and appreciated- two things that I think we all deserve to feel. I'm proud of myself that for, despite my many imperfections and follies, I still have the courage to keep doing what I do. I do it for myself, and I do it for my healing. This blog has become another one of the precious ways I have learned to alleviate life.

And with that, here are some pictures from today in which I really feel beautiful. Enjoy, and have a great Easter.

all photos taken by my incredibly talented sister Bella
skirt Zara top American Apparel

some things i'm working on.

a total digression from the usual talk on this here fashion blog, but i wanted to show you all some things I'm working on in my art class. right now, i'm working on quick studies of the figure. each of the following pieces were done somewhere between 5-15 minutes. this type of work is different than what i'm used to (i'm very meticulous and usually spend several + hours on one piece) but i'm finding that working quickly and messily can be just as satisfying as creating a "perfect" picture.